And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
