literally had 100 drinks last night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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