why didn't you poke me back
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
