I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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