we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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