I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
