I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
