At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
