For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think people are normalizing furries
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
