i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
