she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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