I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
