Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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