this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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