She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
