Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
