Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
