You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
