your parents love me but you hate me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She needs sedatives and a leash
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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