Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
