Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
