is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
