I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
