Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
