Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
