I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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