oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
