She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I touched a dick in church today
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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