sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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