So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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