so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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