True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
