I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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