i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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