Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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