I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
