Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
