I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
