i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
