craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
