Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
