I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
