Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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