put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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