I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
