First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
