Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
