You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
