I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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