just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
