Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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