I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
