Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
